You Are Made for Relationships (MPLS)

Matthew 22:34-40

When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, and one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ‘Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?’ He said to him, ‘“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.’

I’ve got a question for you baseball fans out there: what’s the most important rule in baseball? Maybe: a) three strikes and you’re out; or, b) four balls and you walk; or c) three outs and the opposing team comes to bat? Okay, are you ready to vote? Raise your hand for what you think is the most important rule in the game. 

Isn’t this fun? I have a sneaking suspicion that, given the chance, you might come up with a rule of your own that seems even more important.  

Now, imagine that you, much like Jesus in today’s reading, have a bunch of religious leaders staring you in the face. The Hebrew Bible, and not the Baseball Handbook, is the basis of their questioning. And they’re highly skeptical! As the new rabbi on the scene, they think you play fast and loose with the rules, and they’re convinced that that’s why you’re attracting so much attention. The leaders devise a series of three tests, hoping to discredit you in the eyes of your followers. Are you ready? I should warn you: these are less yes-and-no questions, and more the essay type.

The first question is politically charged: 1) Should we be paying taxes to Caesar or not? And if so, why? Next there’s a question about the world to come: 2) A woman dies after having several husbands. Which one is she going to be married to in heaven? And finally, and most importantly: 3) What’s the greatest commandment of all?

So, how did you do on these questions? And did you stir up any trouble with those skeptical religious leaders?

Over the past several months, Jesus has gotten used to such questions. A little like politicians in our day, he’s adept at avoiding the landmines. Still, unlike our politicians, he often feels compelled to get to the heart of the matter. Today a lawyer, an expert in the law of Moses, puts the new rabbi on the spot: “What do you say, Jesus, we have 613 commandments. Which one is the greatest?” The lawyer is asking Jesus to pick a favorite. Why? For no other reason than to invite criticism. I mean, if I say three strikes and you’re out is the most important rule in baseball, there’s a pretty good chance we’re going to have differing opinions. Then what?

Jesus is up for the challenge. His answer about the greatest commandment has two parts, both of which come from scripture: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind” (Duet. 6:5); and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18).  

With his answer, Jesus accomplishes at least a couple of things. First, he shows himself to be trustworthy by giving a response straight out of Jewish scripture and tradition. I’m reminded of theologian Karl Barth’s response when asked, “What’s the most important theological truth you’ve ever learned?” The great Karl Barth thought for a moment and replied: “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” It’s hard for anyone to argue with that, much like it’s hard for anyone to argue with Jesus over “Love the Lord your God, with all your heart and soul and mind.”

Jesus accomplishes a second thing as well. He takes on what appears to be a rules-based understanding of the law. The 613 commandments in Hebrew scripture are not so much about rules and regulations, Jesus is telling them, as they are about love—loving God and loving your neighbor. All due respect to the lawyers who are listening, the commandments are not meant to help us avoid stepping on cracks on the legal sidewalk. 

When I was growing up, much of what I learned in my religious instruction seemed to be about following rules and regulations, and in the process, avoiding the cracks on the legal sidewalk: Go to church! Tell the truth! Don’t work on Sunday! Don’t steal your neighbor’s stuff, including his wife!  And on and on.  These things were good to know, I suppose, but they weren’t very helpful for me in getting to the heart of the matter for us, namely, in learning how to love God and neighbor.  

So, how are we supposed to keep this great commandment of Jesus? Author Gary Thomas has a book that I find much more helpful than what I learned in Sunday School. It’s called “Sacred Pathways.”  According to Thomas, “loving God” is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor. In fact, Thomas outlines nine separate paths for approaching the Divine. The book’s subtitle is: “Discover Your Soul’s Path to God.” The book is all about helping us connect with God in ways that feel life-giving to us. It includes everything from ritual and tradition, to nature, to activism, to mystery and celebration and music. The book encourages us to love God more broadly and to feel less guilty when we relate to some paths more than to others.

Gary Thomas expands our horizons further: Loving our neighbors as ourselves also isn’t a one-size-fits-all endeavor. In fact, sometimes we love God more deeply by how we love others. The two go hand in hand. We love God in our caregiving, in our activism, in our kindness and service toward others.   

A while back there was a survey done of 16,000 college students. The students were asked to choose one of two responses to describe themselves: One, “I expect a great deal from other people.” Or, two, I like to do things for other people.”  Expecting things from others won hands down over doing things for others. It was a landslide. Evidently, a sense of entitlement is alive and well on some college campuses.  

Still, there were glimmers of hope. The same survey asked what college students had done over spring break. Thousands had fled to sunny beaches in Florida and Mexico. In contrast, a few hundred had gone on mission trips to places like Appalachia, Honduras and Guatemala. Certainly, sunny vacations can be a lot of fun. They’re not a bad thing. But in the survey, the ones who had gone to Florida and Mexico came back tired, bored, and not particularly interested in getting back to their studies. But the ones who had been on mission trips came back excited, energized and ready to change the world.

When Jesus tells us to love our neighbors, he isn’t giving us a new version of the 613 commandments, a blueprint spelling it all out for us as we go. No, we have to work at this business of loving our neighbors. We have to figure out how to care and serve them as well as we can.

The book, “The Art of Neighboring,” points us in that direction. It starts by asking us to explore the difference between being responsible to a person and responsible for a person. I find this a helpful distinction. The book explains: Being responsible to our neighbor is healthy. It means we are responsible to love them, to encourage them, to pray for them, to serve them. But—and this is an all-important difference—being responsible for our neighbor is often unhealthy. It means attempting to take responsibility for their well-being, for their finances, for their happiness, for the vitality of their personal lives. Again, this is a crucial distinction, but it’s almost never neat and tidy. As we attempt to love our neighbor, we have to figure out what it means for us over and over again.

Let me give you an example. Imagine your neighbor is running short of cash at the end of the month. He feels a little sheepish, but he asks if you can help him out this one time. You say yes. He promises to pay it back. Three months later he hasn’t paid it back. And then it happens again. And two months after that, yet again. It’s not a lot of money…just $100 a time. You want to be helpful. It feels like the Christian thing to do, to say yes if at all possible. But a part of you isn’t sure. You wonder if saying yes might not always be the right thing to do.

What does it mean to love your neighbor? It starts with being responsible to your neighbor, and not for your neighbor? This might sound simplistic, but there’s a difference between you yourself being put on the hook to provide a solution, and you helping that person find a solution for himself or herself.  

Keep in mind: Jesus tells us simply to love—to love God and to love our neighbors. And I’m convinced, we often do them both at the same time. But Jesus doesn’t give us an abundance of ready-made answers. So, we read the gospels. We reflect. We pray. We study how Jesus relates to people. We learn from him. We realize that we are made for relationships, but these relationships often get complicated. 

I have a deal for you, and it’s not related to baseball. I won’t spend a lot of time second-guessing your choices of which neighbor to love, if you won’t spend a lot of time second-guessing mine. Love God. Love your neighbor. It’s hard work. Sometimes it’s messy. But it’s at the heart and soul of our calling as Christians. And it’s well worth our time. Amen.